Doha as Character Building

To those of you who I talk to on a regular basis, and/or read my twitter, you’ll know that I absolutely hate one of my professors.

I have also always tended to believe that people tend to behave the way they do because they’ve never been made to do otherwise.

When I first came to Doha I learned to be more diplomatic, even though I’m still too blunt, sarcastic, and irreverent for most people here. Including the foreigners. And the Americans. Luckily I have my argentinian professor, he gets me. It’s nice to have at least one person who understands your sense of humor (and your vocabulary).

So for the better part of the last two years I’ve been learning to be more diplomatic and tactful. But this year I’ve been learning to grow a pair, to stand my ground if you will.

Not too long ago I would always cower from confrontation. And though it still makes me super uncomfortable, I’m learning that most of the time, people only push you around if you let them. And in some cases, you can even get away with being a pretty big douche bag to those same people because they don’t know how to handle it when you turn it back on them.

Today was one such case.

My most loathed professor is a stereotypical case of an overblown ego masking a soul literally dying for validation. He is such a dick to us in class. He acts like his super-inflated sense of superiority is deserved when he literally adds nothing knew to any conversation. So I take to twitter to vent my frustrations in order to keep my sanity.

When I woke up this morning I had an email from him reiterating, yet again, the plan for tomorrow’s class. This time I noticed he had made a mistake in the presentation schedule. So I sent him a reply pointing it out. In his reply he tells me that I’m wrong. Mind you in such a way that could not be misconstrued as polite in any possible way. He’s too busy being cool to be polite, even by email.

At this point the old me would have given up. But now I’ve learned to not take shit lying down. So I sent the girl he had listed as the one that was to present my reading and CC-ed him, to clarify what we had agreed upon. Then I forwarded her response to him. He apologized for the mix up and thanked me.

Hell froze over.

Me- 1

Insta Prof- 0

Cultural Relativity: the sexualization of women

The cartoon below has been making the internet rounds for years. It’s a pretty good representation of both sides of the same coin, where women judge each other for the choices they make. 

I do think it’s equally important to point out the fact that social pressure plays into the choice to walk around in a bikini, or otherwise dress in an overtly sexual manner, just as much as the choice to cover. I would argue that more often than not, both choices are made due to pressure from the environment surrounding them and not out of any serious conviction. 

It’s been interesting for me to compare the different views between the different kinds of women who cover over the last few years. For example, I know women who have lived their entire lives in Islamic societies (i.e. the Gulf) where the status quo is gender segregation and veiling, and that’s all they’ve ever known as a society. I also know women who grew up in Western societies and then began covering after converting. 

For starters the pressure amongst reverts/converts to cover a certain way (there are different styles of hijab) would seem almost fanatical in their fervor. There seems to be a never ending string of interventions on my facebook of reverts “looking out” for other Muslim women who are not covering appropriately. Another favorite of the haram police is calling out women for wearing nail polish. Seriously, who needs psychos like Pamela Geller when you have Muslim women policing other Muslim women and constantly shaming them for their inferior Muslim-ness.

There’s a big difference between how you see khaleeji women cover on TV from the West and how they actually look in real life. Mostly due to the fact that it’s not socially acceptable for women here to be so visible in public and if they were to consent to being photographed/filmed they most likely would want to make sure no one recognizes them. But the one biggest difference I’ve noticed in the how of covering is that the women who come from Islamic societies tend to take a less functional approach to their hijab. They are forever fidgeting it with it just as much as a woman back home would with her hair. I wish that women in the West could see what actual khaleeji women look like in public. To give you a sense of reference, I now consider the Kardashians to wear very neutral makeup. I also regularly burst out laughing at the unfortunate eyebrow shapes I see painted on women here. And the contouring. Apparently it’s cool to not blend in your contouring here.

So while I tend to observe the whole debate about the physical appearance of women with the kind of smug sense of superiority of someone who sees both sides as equally judgmental and condescending with little regard for the cultural and social context of the other. It does bug me how both sides of the argument try to impose their own experiences and perceptions on the other without taking a minute to try on the person’s shoes.

In the end I really don’t care what you do with yourself as long as you’ve thought about why you’re doing it. If you want to cover or not, or whatever, I don’t care. What does annoy me though are the people who don’t think twice about following the crowd. This applies to both sides of the argument. The women who cover because that’s what society expects of them, and the women who walk around dressed provocatively because they think male attention is the only source of validation. In this case I am an equal opportunity judgy bitch.

That’s why I’m equally infuriated by the various manifestations of the sexualization of girls. Because I fundamentally believe that women should have the choice to express their sexuality in any way they so wish. But young girls, especially young prepubescent girls, do not have the capacity to understand the significance behind things like skimpy bikinis and hijab.

I hate seeing little girls in bikinis. Don’t get me started on tiny babies wearing bikinis. (“She looks like mommy!” Mommy has the breasts, not to mention the awareness, to keep the bikini in place.) I hate seeing little girls in abayas and shaylas. I hate seeing little girls wearing makeup out on the street, something that is more common here than back home where on the rare occasion you see a little girl in makeup it’s plainly obvious she’s wearing Barbie/Elsa/whatever makeup, not MAC.

I understand that sometimes little girls want to be like mommy. But that doesn’t explain toddlers in strollers wearing hijabs.

I’ve had various conversations with a variety of people regarding when a girl is expected to start covering, and the most common response is around the time she starts to develop, slash when she hits puberty. There is a big difference between a 13 year old wearing an abaya and a 5 year old. Especially given that the purpose of covering is to hide your assets from the male gaze and keep them private for your husband. What assets does a child have? By covering a child aren’t you essentially saying that you’re keeping her from attracting sexual attention?

The same can be said about the way parents allow their young daughters to become sexualized so young in the West. A family friend back home is married to a Dutch man, and their daughter only wears bottoms at the beach when they’re in the Netherlands. This is a very European thing that you don’t really see in America, and to be honest I think its great. A little girl just wants to play, just like a little boy. And I think little girls and boys should be outfitted in such a way that allows them to do so. That means little girls shouldn’t spend their whole lives in frilly dresses that can’t be dirtied. That also means that wearing mommy’s heels is fine around the house, but outside you need to wear shoes that aren’t a health risk.

The bottom line is that too often as a society we impose these restrictions on girls that we would never think to impose on boys. Girls are burdened with the weight of their sexuality from an age and to a degree that just isn’t fair. On the one hand you have societies that teach little girls that dressing and behaving sexually provocative is the only way to earn validation. On the other you have societies that demonize any overt expression of sexuality. In both cases women are conditioned that their sexuality, and by extension their physical appearance, are the most important thing about them. Yea you can pretend that the point of a hijab is so that women are not judged on their physical appearance, but let’s be honest with ourselves, that is not how it works out. Hijabi women are judged on their physical appearances just as much as non-hijabis, and in some cases even more so.

So let’s stop demonizing female sexuality and its various expressions. Even if only so I don’t have to deal with the ignorant comments about how superior one society’s treatment of women is, when honestly we’re failing women pretty hard on a human level.

How Doha turned me into an internet troll

Over the last two years since I moved across the pond there have been several major social issues that have popped up in America. For one, racial issues have come to the forefront of the American consciousness. Islamophobia has also been boiling over in a very public way.

Before I moved to Doha I was much less vocal about most political/social issues. I just couldn’t be bothered to get into those infamous social media battles. I had a few friends that I could count on to post annoying comments on my posts, but I was glad to never be that person.

Then I came to Doha.

I was raised by a father who is obsessed with “educating people when they don’t know better.” Most of my life this has infuriated me. It also directly influenced my extreme moral relativism. I take pride in always evaluating the opposing argument. I think the most important intellectual experiences I’ve had to date have been when someone with an opposing view has argued their point articulately and intelligently, and as a result has forced me to reevaluate my stance.

In Doha things like racism and bigotry are not just openly practiced, but they are considered acceptable behavior. Maybe it’s because my mom always told me “el que le aguanta las patas a la vaca es igual de culpable al que la mato” which is roughly translated to ‘he who holds the cow’s legs is just as guilty as the one who killed it’ or if you’re not a part of the solution, then you’re part of the problem. I take the words “be the change you want to see” as words to live by. So when I see behavior that I know to be immoral I don’t just shut up anymore.

Sometimes this behavior is when someone will try to skip me in line. Twice women in abayas have tried to cut in front of me at the ATM. Both times I politely, but firmly said “excuse me, but I was in line.” They were shocked, but they stepped back. Sometimes this behavior is when kids at the mall act like entitled douchebags. They’re unsupervised and terrorize the staff working with their behavior. And the staff are worried that if they upset the kid, you never know who that kid’s family is, and they’ll end up deported. I’ve already written about the kid that just walked up the register at the supermarket as the cashier was ringing me up and demanded phone credit. Recently there was an incident at Starbucks where these two tween boys in full Qatari gear knocked a plastic cup on the floor and then didn’t pick it up. I’m aware of the fact that I have a certain amount of white privilege in these cases, and using a firm tone I asked the kid “is that yours?” “No.” “Well aren’t you going to pick it up?” He does. “Aren’t you going to throw it away?” The trash can was 2 steps away. “No.” Whatever. I pick my battles.

But really the most infuriating thing you encounter Doha is the unabashed racism. You start to realize how racial and ethnic profiling is standard practice. Egyptians are trying to scam you. Sudanese men are combative. Lebanese are tacky. Emiratis are shallow/show offs. Bahraini shias are all loyal to Iran. Omanis are ugly. Iran is the root of all evil. Moroccan women are witches/prostitutes. Indians smell. Filipinos are servants. The list is endless.

I also realized that most of the people who spew this crap, at least the ones that mean it, don’t actually know what they’re talking about. Ask them to explain why they believe these stereotypes and they can’t. It’s like the people who say shias have tails. Bro, have you actually seen a shia with a tail? Have you ever known someone who has? No? So shut it.

As a result, now when people say stupid shit, whether in real life or on social media, I don’t just let it slide anymore. I’m tired of just letting people get away with the stupid crap they say because no one ever made them think twice. There’s a lady I met here, she might actually read this (in which case, shout out to M!), she’s the wife of my professor but an expert on the gulf in her own right since she did her Ph.D on the politics of the UAE, and she has the best method of dealing with this type of behavior I’ve ever seen. In a very calm, almost infuriatingly so, manner she’ll ask you to elaborate or explain to her your view. It’s genius. And it works. Nothing frustrates the ignorant as much as being forced to see their ignorance thrown right back in their faces.

Which is how I’ve become a facebook troll. People posts statuses on facebook that make me indignant, especially in light of the various social issues that are raging in the US, and instead of just continuing to scroll down my feed now I call people out. I have yet to reach the jedi mind-trick levels of calmly engaging ignorants of M, but inshallah one day.

Earlier today on a status about the riots in Baltimore I responded with a MLK quote and a link to an article by Ta-Nahesi Coates in the Atlantic about why we shouldn’t vilify rioters without understanding why they riot (here) on a thread where literally not one person agreed with me. I’m pretty sure one of my aunts insinuated my mother, her sister, did not raise me right. But I was calm, and I repeatedly stated that you can’t solve a problem without understanding what caused it. No one replied once I posted those two comments, all I can hope is that at least one person thought twice.

If nothing else, I hope that I can make people think twice. After all,

It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it.

– Aristotle

When your humor just doesn’t translate

I have a certain way of speaking. Depending on who you ask I can speak too aggressive. Too fast. Too loud. Too sarcastic. Too soft. Too much. Too little (around strangers). Too much with my face. Too hyperbolic.

You get the picture.

Every so often I’ll meet someone and they just so happen to have the secret code and someone manage to just get my way of speaking. This used to happen often enough that I never really thought much about it. Sure I tend to speak in hyperbole, but the difference between my hyperbole and that of most hispanic women is non-existent. And once upon a time everyone around me either was hispanic or grew up surrounded by them.

When I moved to Doha at 24, the first few people I met seemed to speak a lot like me. Two of the 3 girls that I became fast friends with were North African, they also spoke loud and empathically. My loudness and emphaticness blended right in. Unfortunately that group burned out just as quickly as the friendships were sparked.

As Doha has taken its toll on me, I scare a lot easier when it comes to people. Nowadays I’ll meet new people and notice how they misinterpret things I say over and over, and after it happens the third or fourth time I give up on exchanging anything beyond pleasantries.

As I’m sure you can imagine any new social interactions have gone from limited to practically non-existent as a result. Now don’t get me wrong, I don’t blame other people for the fact that I’ve essentially given up on establishing meaningful relationships at this point. I know I’m just too sensitive. But the reality that all of these people are transitory in my life makes me much less willing to make myself vulnerable, or go the extra mile.

On the other hand, learning to keep my emotional distance has come in handy around people I’ve known for ages back home but could never form a meaningful connection with. An unfortunate consequence of large extended families is that you have a half-ton of people you’re going to have to suck it up and play nice with, without ever really having anything in common with them, or even particularly liking them too much.

Now that I’ve learned not to gratuitously invest emotionally in every person I know, I feel like I’m much better equipped to handle people going forward.

For example, I got a really passive aggressive email last week from a relative sending what I imagine they intended as a polite email, that just so happen to arrive on the same day my grandmother died. The old me would have been really upset and caused a huge stink about their insensitivity. Instead I told my mom about it in a very “can you believe this?” detached kinda way. I then gave my dad the head’s up, given that this relative tends to be the type that will complain about my rudeness to my parents. When my dad asked me how I wanted him to respond, I told him to act like he didn’t know anything, I just wanted him to have a frame of reference if it came up. Lo and behold, at my grandmother’s funeral a reference to said email was made to my parents, accompanied with a comment about how I hadn’t respond to it. But by then my parent’s both knew the contents of it and saw the passive aggressive-ness for what it was.

Suffering is the best teacher, after all you only learn to appreciate the good after having survived the bad.

Stuck in the middle

I’ve struggled with finding interesting topics to write about, so my posts aren’t just me complaining endlessly about the crap that goes on here. I try to give an honest portrayal of my life here in Doha, the good and the bad. Because it would be disingenuous of me ignore the bad and only post a series of rose-tinted posts, just as much as if I only posted negative rants.

Last night my mom called me on FaceTime so I could say hi to my cousins who were in Miami for Spring Break from Guatemala. I talk to my cousin like once every since months now, but once upon a time I spent months at a time in her house over the summer growing up and then weeks at a time over winter break during college. We used to be pretty close, but, unfortunately, my life choices have sort of driven us apart. I don’t subscribe to a lot of the same beliefs she does, and I’ve chosen a very different path in life that I can tell she struggles to understand.

I have to admit I’m pretty lucky, my parents have both lived in 3 different countries (each) throughout their lives. My dad has traveled all over the world, and both my parents are stereotypical middle-class Cubans in the sense that they try and make it to Europe every chance they get. They’re pretty worldly folks, even if they don’t have any particular affinity for non-Catholics (particularly Muslims). Over the last several years they’ve gotten used to the fact that whenever they ask me a question about the happenings in the Middle East I try my best to not oversimplify. It’s a complicated place, and trying to boil it down to this vs. that isn’t helping anyone.

Earlier last night my mom had called me to video chat and I’d unloaded a lot of the pent-up frustration I’ve been carrying around lately that I just can’t manage to shake off. After listening to me complain for a quite a bit, her advice was that “you can’t change the circumstance, you only change how you see it. Let go, let God.” She didn’t just assume that because there are things going wrong that everything is wrong, which I really appreciated.

When I was talking to my cousin she was asking me about life here and how much time I have left, what I’m going to do after, the usual stuff. Then she makes a comment along the lines of “then you didn’t like it.” And I found myself in the same place I’ve become too familiar with.

I hate how I can’t talk about living in Doha without it being all-or-nothing. It’s not just people back home who do it, a lot of the people who live here do it too. There are positive and negative aspects about living life as single female in Doha. It irritates the crap out of me when people try and ignore the good or the bad things about this place. Back home I feel like I have to always walk this super narrow line between sounding objective but always, always being positive about the rainbows and unicorns of life in Doha. Because if I ever slip and admit to struggling with things like the sexual harassment, or the loneliness, the immediate response is “well then why did you go/stay”.

I came to Doha because I needed to break out of a rut I was in. I could see a life of mediocrity stretching out indefinitely ahead of me and I refused to accept it. I came back every semester to finish what I started. And I stuck it out because the person that I am after two years here is infinitely stronger, more resilient, and more self-reliant than I could have ever dreamed of becoming before I came.

Even if it’s only because now when women try to skip me at the ATM I politely tell them “excuse me, I was here first.” Or when people get in my face, I’ve learned not to just cower and hide. I still do it sometimes, but I’m proud as hell from going from always to sometimes.

I honestly couldn’t tell you what my life will be like in 6 months.

But I can say that nothing will be the same again, because I won’t be.

Driver Chronicles pt 2

It happened again. I was on the bus with the same girl as last time. Different driver though. This one spoke almost no English, or Arabic. And when I called the dorm, the only lady in the office was the Syrian woman who speaks less English than I speak Arabic, which means pretty much nothing.

By the time a second office lady called me back, the driver had already realized that we weren’t getting off the bus and was angrily driving us to our stop. Luckily, because the lady that called me back is entirely useless.

I ended up being late to my meeting with a professor, but luckily he was in the middle of something else by the time I got there.

What continues to upset me is just how powerless I am here. If anyone can explain to me what exactly is the difference between the US and Qatar in this case I would really appreciate it. Because I have never felt so powerless in America like I have here. Maybe it’s because in Miami I have this impenetrable “white-Cuban” privilege or something, but I have never felt like I had absolutely no power to make things happen, especially when it’s something so simple like holding someone accountable to do their job. Maybe that’s the real issue. In America, you’re, at least theoretically, held accountable for doing your job. Here, accountability is basically nonexistent.

Cultural Relativity- Marriage

Today I saw one of my Qatari friends, and again she just looked really bummed out. It seems like every time I’ve seen her lately she’s been close to tears. I saw one of her close friends in the hallway and I asked her if something was going on. She told me that apparently there’s been trouble in paradise, and that she’s been having troubles with her husband, “these things are very tragic for us.”

That got me thinking. My best friend back home is moving in with her boyfriend this summer, they’re looking to buy an apartment together, which to me seemed an odd choice considering that they’re not planning on getting married anytime soon and they’ve been together since we were in high school. As I was talking about this to my non-Arab professor, he was nonchalant about it, since apparently him and his wife did the same thing.

For years I’ve been hearing how marriage and “traditional” families are becoming extinct in Europe. In the US most people my age cohabitate before marriage. I just saw a statistic that says 72% of children born in the black community in the US are born to single mothers. This made me think about the sudden sharp increase in shotgun weddings among the girls I went to high school with recently, who then go and announce their pregnancy soon after.

A few weeks ago their was some sort of talk or event held on the compound that was intended to teach the girls the do’s and don’ts of getting married. I heard from a girl that was there, that the woman who gave the talk was infuriated by the constant stream of criticism coming from one of Syrian ladies that works in the office. The Syrian lady was equally infuriated by what she considered bad advice being given to the girls. The Kuwaiti matchmaker lady was telling the girls that you should not meet your future husband before you get married, nor should you exchange pictures, or communicate in any way. This is a bit extreme, even for the most conservative of families here in the area. I have it on good authority that once the engagement has been verbally agree upon by both families that it’s perfectly acceptable for the guy and the girl to get to know each other and make sure they’re well suited before making the engagement public.

Back in America my best friend is dealing with her grandmother’s passive-aggressive attempts to show her the error of her ways and somehow convince her to get married before they move in together. But neither his parents nor hers are particularly upset about their decision. The same would not be said about my parents, who would probably lose their minds if I told them I was going to cohabitate before marriage.

Meanwhile, divorce rates are equally high in both the US and the Gulf. Neither system works when 50% of marriages end in divorce. However, I think that the reasons that cause these divorces are essentially the same more often than not- you’re getting married because you want to get married or you get swept up in the excitement of it all, not because you’re ready and have the tools to form a lifelong partnership with someone.

Surviving Doha [as a single, white female]

This happened to me today:

I was on the 1:00pm bus to school, because I had a meeting at 1:30 with my thesis supervisor. As per usual, when the bus makes the second stop on the women’s campus and I’m the only person left on the bus (today there was another girl from my program, but that’s irrelevant), I have to ask the driver to take me to the men’s campus. Now in the past I have had enough problems with this that the woman in the dorm office who is in charge of transportation has promised me that I just have to tell the driver and he has to take me to my stop. So today when the driver didn’t want to take us to the men’s side of campus (not literally another campus, it’s literally less than a 5 minute drive) I politely informed him that the office lady “says all the buses can take me to the Arabic program, I just need to tell [the driver].” Well today the driver dug his heels in.

So I call the dorm office from the bus that is not parked outside the women’s side of campus.

Me: “Hello?”

Dorm: “Yes.”

Me: “Who’s this?”

Dorm: “Who’s this?”

Me: “Hello? This is Alex. Who’s speaking?”

Dorm: “Who is this? You are the one who called.”

Seriously. They won’t even tell me who I’m talking to, so I don’t know if it’s the woman I need, who’s name I can’t remember but I know starts with an ‘N’.

Me: [insert explanation of how I’m on the bus and the lady in promised me that all buses will take me to my stop and this guy refuses]

Dorm: “What is his name?”

Me: “Who the driver?”

Dorm: “Yes,” such people skills.

I ask the driver his name, and relay this information to the woman on the phone, who I still have no idea who she is.

Dorm: “Ok we will try to call him now.”

Me: “Ok but I am on the bus now, will you call him now?” Because honestly, it’s super possible that they wouldn’t call immediately, for whatever reason or because zero fucks are given.

Dorm: “Yes yes.”

Luckily they did in fact call right then, the driver was told to take us to the men’s campus, which he finally did.

This annoyed the living hell out of me. It infuriates me that when I tell a man here something, more often than not it’s taken as somehow up for negotiation. Here everything is somehow negotiable unless you’re endowed with a khaleeji accent or white-male genitalia. If you’re lucky, an Arab woman in hijab might also suffice.

 

Doha State of Mind

Lately a few things have come up on social media that have made me stop and reflect. The first was this Buzzfeed article about a documentary that was made called “India’s Daughter” about the Indian woman that was gang raped and killed by four men in 2012. To make a long story short, the guy that they interviewed shows 0 remorse for raping and then killing the girl, and then super nonchalantly expresses his view that it is 100% a woman’s fault if she gets raped because [insert all the same crap we always hear].

Then a few hours ago I read the comments on a post a friend of mine posted on facebook asking women who live in Saudi (but are not necessarily Saudi) to comment how not being able to drive affects their lives. Her (Saudi) husband says that’s it not a big deal, and that it’s not particularly inconvenient because [same tired excuses]. As a Saudi watcher, women being allowed to drive seems less plausible than ever after the death of King Abdullah. The new king has a reputation for being more interested in stability and security than in reforms, and is known to be close to the religious establishment. So while before the death of Abdullah it seemed like an imminent thing, now it seems like a pipe dream.

Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about what I’m going to do after I graduate this semester, and after putting out some feelers, it seems like I’m most likely going to have to stay around here if I want to work. The job market in my field is insanely competitive in the US, and even though my program is starting a PhD program, I can’t start a PhD until I learn Arabic. One of my back-up plans is to get certified to teach English (something I can then do literally anywhere in the world) and then go teach at a university in Saudi so I can learn Arabic and network. I will never learn Arabic in a classroom, and in Saudi people actually speak Arabic, where in Doha they do not. Also, places like Doha and Dubai have like an infinite variety of accents and dialects, which I don’t think is conducive to me learning Arabic.

But I digress. The point is that, facing the very real possibility that I’m going to be in the region for at least a little while longer, I’m starting to contemplate the reality of life as a working, professional woman in the Gulf. Even though Doha is still very different from Saudi, I can drive here for one, Qatari society is still more similar to Saudi than not. For starters women are expected to depend on men for everything. If I need something done, the best way to guarantee it happens in a timely manner is to get a khaleeji man in a thobe to intervene. No one gets as much respect as khaleeji men in thobes. For example, I needed to figure out some information about getting my license transferred. Good luck getting that done without speaking Arabic and while female. I had a Saudi man make the call, they were practically tripping over themselves to be helpful.

Another thing I realized is that living in Doha I’ve developed a legit fear of men, something I never really felt in the US, and if I did I sure as hell was never conscious of it. Especially after reading the Buzzfeed article, it’s hard not to be nervous about being surrounded pretty much all the time by men who honestly view women as objects or worst. It’s not just Indian men, it’s also Arab men, and especially khaleeji men. And because of the way that the society is set up here, I’ve started to have nightmares about men breaking into my house. Because men here feel they are entitled to us. When I take a minute to think about how much power men have over women here it starts to freak me out.

Now when I go back home I’ve started to avoid men I don’t know. If I need some sort of service, I always approach a woman if there is one. When I’m in a social setting, I avoid men I don’t know. If I notice men looking at me with a look of “appreciation” on their face I glare at them. I honestly think I have some kind of PTSD. But when I talk about it, no one really understands what I’m saying, and instead they usually take it the wrong way and start to shame or scold me. To the point where I’ve stopped verbalizing it, and probably hence the nightmares.

I find it incredibly ironic that in a society where it’s acceptable for a man to ignore the existence of women in the name of piety, I absolutely need to depend on strange men for everything. Especially when you consider how horrendous the customer service is whenever the woman helping you is not Filipina and instead Qatari. You can feel their disdain and apathy rolling of them to the point where it’s preferable to just deal with the creepers. Forced dependency is what creates vulnerability. I don’t want to be vulnerable to the whims of strange men, especially considering the female:male ratio in Doha. Suddenly the idea of moving to Saudi is starting to look less and less appealing.

So you want to move to Doha?

A family friend contacted me the other day asking me if it was okay for her to give her friend my contact info. Apparently a friend of hers is thinking about taking a job in Doha. I realized though, after I gave her the link to my blog, that the majority of the posts I’ve written this semester have been pretty negative. So in an attempt to give a more balanced portrayal of the expat life here in Doha, I’ve compiled a list of tips/life hacks to give you a better idea of what to expect should you decide to move to Doha.

Also, because duh I should be working on my papers, but instead I’m writing this.

Before:

1- Never, ever wear synthetic fibers

The drastic temperatures in Doha are no joke. Wearing polyester and other synthetic fibers in the summer is going to guarantee you’ll sweat thru your clothes the second you step outside. Then that sweat congeals the second you step indoors with blasting ACs. And suddenly you’re freezing. Wearing natural fibers means you can comfortably navigate the drastic changes in temperatures. In the winter the humidity can be over 80% and you’ll wonder why you’re so cold when it’s barely 65F, it’s because you’re wearing plastic. Leave your synthetics at home.

2- Invest in quality sunglasses

Since the age of 12 I’ve been wearing contacts every day, with brief periods of time when I’ve worn glasses regularly. Last year I would sometimes wear my glasses around the compound during daylight hours, and I regretted it each and every time. It felt like my eyes were being seared. I had brought cheap sunglasses with me that I had bought at Target, like pretty much every other pair I’ve ever bought, that I would use sometimes. Then one day I splurged on a pair of designer shades, and my world changed. What a difference. When I went back home with my designer lenses I realized that for some reason it made no difference back home if I wore $12 sunglasses or $300 sunglasses. But there are no clouds in Doha, there is a crap ton of pollution, and the sand everywhere seems to reflect the light. I’m not saying spend $300 on stunna shades. But I do recommend you invest in quality eyewear. I have since updated my glasses to hipster frames with transition lenses. My eyes thank me.

3- Dual voltage appliances

Some things, like quality hair straighteners are cheaper back home. So for personal appliances that you rely on regularly, especially if you don’t plan on having two sets of everything or you’re going to travel back and forth, get the dual voltage. I’ve heard that people risk using single voltage, but I think that’s just unnecessary.

4- Stock up on essentials you can’t live without, at least to hold you over until you can find a replacement

I’ve realized that there are a lot of things that have Doha equivalents, like medications. But there are things, like a wider range of beauty products, that don’t exist here. Especially if you’re not looking for anti-aging or skin bleaching products. Unless you shop exclusively at Sephora, in which case you’ll be happy to know that there are several Sephora and Sephora-like stores in almost every mall. And in Doha there are malls like there are CVS/Walgreens back home. There isn’t the variety of drugstore brands here that exists back home, and what does exist tends to be more expensive. Although I did see that they have the no-parabens/silicone Herbal Essences shampoo here now, which is still relatively new back home. If you’re into organic products, they do have brands like Body Shop and Lush but I’m not sure how their stock compares to back home. Also, if you’re not Indian then it’s probably a good idea to stock up on any foods/ingredients you absolutely need to eat. Indian food is basically the national cuisine of Qatar. So if you’re Indian, or cook with ingredients common to Indian cuisine, you’re in for a pleasant surprise.

5- Read up on the local culture

I have no patience with people who come here and are like utterly unprepared. They think that they’re going to find Lebanon, Morocco, or Egypt 2.0 and then have this crazy meltdown when they realize this is the Gulf. The society here is incredibly unique, Qatar is different even compared to it’s GCC brethren, so imagine how different it is from everywhere else. Don’t bother trying to learn Arabic, you’ll never need it. You’re better off learning an Indian dialect. But do brush up on basic Islamic customs. Daily life revolves around conservative Islamic values. I personally think that it’s important to at least be aware of the local customs, even if you’re not going to participate in them.

Upon Arrival:

6- Get a water filter for your shower

Even if they tell you that your housing has filtered water. Get a water filter for your shower. Seriously the worst water quality I’ve ever seen in my entire life. Granted I’ve only been to Western Europe, Turkey, Mexico, Guatemala, and now Qatar. But everyone I know says the same thing. I have discovered I have insanely sensitive skin, so I can’t even use the tap water to brush my teeth. Yes the water is that bad. I only let the tap water come into contact with my hands. The last time I accidentally rinsed my eyes with it my face started to itch almost instantly. I have friends that just moved here and could not understand why they were essentially going bald, then they got shower filters and their lives changed. A male friend had to basically shave off his hair because of how bad his hair got damaged after his family moved to a new house.

7- Don’t even think about sweeping, either Swiffer instead or invest in a quality vacuum

Sweeping is a joke when there is so much dust. Seriously, I use a Swiffer every few days and then mop once every couple weeks. I don’t use an actual mop, instead I have this thing that’s basically a larger version of that plastic tool you use to clean your windshield at the gas station. The amount of dust that it picks up is disgusting. If I had a house, or I was here for more than a few months at a time I would invest in a vacuum. A friend of mine in Riyadh just bought a new vacuum and she’s obsessed with it. If you have carpets/rugs a decent vacuum is a must. Because seriously the dust is insane.

8- Don’t waste your money on expensive plug adapters, they’ll break anyway

They have cheap adapters in most supermarkets. Stock up on the single, double, and triple plug ones. That way when they inevitably break you won’t really care.

9- Check the sodium content/pH level of your bottled water

Not all bottled water is created equal. There are various effects of water with crazy high sodium content. Also, note that sometimes the labels lie. I wasted money on what I thought was lower-sodium Carrefour brand water which turned out to have more sodium than the Arwa brand (which I drink exclusively) bottled water that’s part of the Coca-Cola dynasty. The pH levels of your water is also important, but I can’t tell you why because I have no idea. From my experience, the lower the sodium content the more neutral the pH levels.

10- Develop a good relationship with a car service/driver

It’s not the easiest thing in the world to get a drivers license in Qatar. There are ever changing regulations. Some people prefer not to drive, especially if they don’t normally drive back home. Uber recently started operating in Doha but I don’t recommend it. Their service tends to be more expensive than taking regular taxis or car services. Also, there are tons of horror stories of people having bad experiences with karwa (taxi) drivers, from extortion to injuries as a result of car accidents. Not to mention the gamble you make every time you get in a karwa, because you never know if the driver even knows how to drive. Also, after roughly 7pm they stop using the meter and charge “night rates” although you can sometimes bully them into using the meter. If you catch a karwa from the airport it’s insanely more expensive. The average fare in Doha is something like 30 QAR, but I think the base fee from the airport is like 60 QAR. I always give my friends the number to the car service I use. The guy who runs it is awesome. I can text him or call him. They’re almost always punctual, most of the time they’re early. The drivers aren’t creepy at all, which you learn quickly here is the exception, not the norm. And the best part is that they tend to be almost the same price of a karwa without any of the hassle. By now the drivers all know me and they give me a good rate. Also, the guy who runs the service knows where everything is. In Doha that basically makes him a savant. Seriously, invaluable.

Note: there are no addresses in Doha. They recently started putting these little blue plastic signs up with street names and street addresses on buildings. But they’re a joke because they’re tiny, and no one knows the names of the streets. Directions are based on landmarks. Seriously. So finding a driver that knows where they’re going is basically the equivalent of finding a diamond in the rough.

General Life Hacks:

11- Put Baking Soda in your laundry

Until I moved here I never knew how sensitive/allergic I am. The lack of clothes dryers and the terrible water quality means that the laundry dries hard as a board. I made the mistake of trying to use fabric softener once, I thought my skin was catching on fire. I read somewhere over the summer that you can add baking soda to your laundry for a variety of uses. It helps with the smell too, and a bunch of other things I can’t remember right now. But the fabric softening properties alone are worth it.

12- Getting clothes tailor made is a game changer

No two people are shaped the same, so the fact that we’re all supposed to fit into predetermined shapes is just bizarre. I got an abaya made here and the experience was life changing. Last summer I started going through my closet and either tailoring or getting rid of a bunch of stuff that I don’t ever wear. I realized that I had a lot of pieces I really liked but never wore because they needed minor alterations. I have a wedding to go to this summer and I already decided to get something made here. There are tons of fabric shops, and I’ll save myself the trauma of trying on a million dresses that don’t fit right.

13- Take advantage of all the new/different experiences available

Life in Doha is so different than anywhere else. In some ways it’s better and in some ways it’s worst. As an expat we’re lucky that we get to spend a predetermined amount of time here and then move on to the next adventure. So make the most of your time here. There will be good days and bad days. But that’s life. And just like any place else, there are good things about living here and bad things. You’re also hard pressed to find a greater variety of people in one place than in Doha. Roughly 75% of the population of Qatar are expats from every corner of the globe. I’ve met people from each of the (inhabited) continents since coming here. Granted you’re not going to like everyone you meet, but the crazier the crazy, the better the story you get to tell for the rest of your life.

14- Travel

Doha is pretty much the middle point of the Eastern hemisphere. The travel times to most destinations in Europe, Asia, and Africa are pretty decent. Take advantage of the proximity to new places, especially places that aren’t that common like Central Asia. Western Europe will always be there. There are so many beautiful places to see in Asia and Africa, take advantage of the opportunity to see them.

15- Don’t try and live the same life you had back home, you’ll never be happy that way. Try and live the best life Doha-style

The best way to guarantee being miserable is trying to live the same lifestyle you had back home here. It’s impossible. But once you let go of what you think your life should look like, and open yourself up to new experiences you might actually find yourself having a good time. Try establishing a “Doha routine” for yourself. For example, there is no decent hispanic food here, so instead I just take advantage of all the amazing Indian and Iranian food around. I’ve also discovered new Lebanese/Mediterranean dishes that I like, I personally am not that big a fan of hummus but I learned I love hummus with beef shawarma. I used to think I didn’t like pita bread either. I’ve come to realize not all Arab bread is pita bread, and not all pita is created equal. The bread they serve at Egyptian restaurants is delicious. There are a few places here that make it fresh, and it’s amazing. Also, the shisha quality here makes it almost impossible to smoke shisha back home. Appreciate the good, work around the bad. It’s the only way to survive.

Alright folks, that about sums it up. If you have any specific questions feel free to leave me a comment or you can always find my email in the about me section to contact me directly.